Foster Care "Mini-Training"

When I went to my first foster parent training course, I asked the instructors if there were any classes available for my children (they were 7 and 8 at the time). Here they were offering me ten weeks of intensive training, explaining foster care and abuse to me. I already knew about it. That was why I was there. My children knew nothing of foster care or abuse (fortunately.) I was told that there was no training for the children. Then I asked about resources (books, etc.) that I could use as a catalyst to discuss foster care and some of the more sensitive issues that I felt my children needed to know about. They knew of nothing, and upon researching the topic myself, I found books for foster parents and books for foster children. There was nothing out there for biological children. The only fiction books I found made the biological children out to be the "bad guys" and this was certainly not the impression I wanted to give my children about their role as "foster-siblings."

So, it was up to me (and it will be up to you) to explain foster care and abuse to your children. Some people may argue that their children do not need to know the details of abuse. When foster children enter your home, they will tell your children about the abuse they endured. As you will be unable to monitor all conversations children have, it is most likely that your children will become aware of this travesty at some point. The decision is yours, of course, but you need to decide if you want to your children to hear about abuse from you, so that you can answer their questions and quell their fears, or if you want them to first learn about abuse by way of "horror stories" shared with them by other children.

Confidentiality is also an important topic to make sure your children are aware of. You will most likely have this concept drilled into your heads by your training officials, and it is very important that your children are aware that they cannot, under any circumstances, share any information about the foster children with anybody outside of the home or not involved in their direct care. While on the topic of confidentiality, it is also important to discuss "secrets." Your children will need to be aware that confidentiality only means not telling their friends, etc. about the child's history. You should make it clear to them that if a foster child tells them anything about a situation that is currently occurring (i.e. abuse on visits) or that has happened in the past (and they have not told anyone) that it is acceptable to tell you or anyone involved with the child (i.e. therapist, social worker, etc.) Make sure that your children know the difference between confidentiality and secrets.

During your training courses keep notes about what you think your children need to know. Then conduct your own "mini training" for them. This will ensure a smooth transistion from family to foster family.