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Welcome to my blog! I hope to be able to provide valuable strategies, insights, ideas, and resources for foster parents who are trying to juggle the roles of both biological parent and foster parent.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

The poll question was: Do you think it's right for foster parents to put their foster children to bed early so they can spend time with their biological children, and call it "Family Time?" The results were:
 Yes 0%, No 71% and Depends 28%. I was able to speak to one person who voted "depends" and her dependant factor was if the children were very young (i.e. under one) this would be acceptable.

The reason I asked this question is because I read this as advice on another foster parenting blog. The foster mother stated that her foster children understood why she did it and didn't mind...I'm perplexed at how some people get their foster parenting license.

So, while we are on the topic of "Family Time," as a foster parent who has biological children- you have what is called a foster family. A foster home is defined as a "substitute home" and a foster parent is a "substitute parent" for the time that a child cannot be with their own family. You are not a babysitter, or a landlord. You are a parent to that child for as long as they are with you. That child is part of your family and there should be treated with equality when it comes to rules, expectations, and special privileges. Of course you love your own children and won't even know a foster child when they first move in. You may even find yourself fostering a child who is difficult to even like, never mind love. Regardless of the situation, a foster parent should never lose sight of what his/her role in that child's life is. It may be difficult to do, but you may need to step back and look at the situation if you find yourself having difficulty liking a foster child. Are behavior problems due to any circumstances that are in your control? Does the child feel unwelcome, unloved, not "part of the family?" Do you tend to always believe your own children over the foster children? Do you allow your own children special privileges?

If you, or your children have difficulties with a foster child, please don't immediately assume it's them. Everybody deserves the benefit of the doubt.

Sorry about the rant. I was reunited with a foster kid who lived with me and was distressed to hear some of the things that happened to him when he left my house.

Please participate in the new poll!

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