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Welcome to my blog! I hope to be able to provide valuable strategies, insights, ideas, and resources for foster parents who are trying to juggle the roles of both biological parent and foster parent.

Monday, March 26, 2012

So you want to be a foster parent?

The decision to become a foster parent is a big one for most people. For those who already have children of their own, this decision can be even more difficult. Many questions and concerns will arise: Will my biological children feel as though I am "replacing" them? Do I have enough time/patience/love to go around? Am I putting my own children in jeopardy by bringing other children into my home? These concerns (and possibly a great many others) are valid and should be considered when making the decision to open a foster home.

When trying to determine whether or not foster care is right for your family, it is advisable to have open, frank discussions with all family members and ensure it is a family decision to move forward.

With older children, best practices suggest an open and honest approach to discussing what being a foster family will mean to them. Your expectations for them as foster siblings should be clearly defined and shared with them. Depending upon their ages and the foster children, will your biological children be expected to help? Will they be required to extra chores? (as extra children in the home will certainly mean more work.)Will your biological children be required to share their bedroom or other space with a foster child? If children are informed regarding expectations right from the beginning, there will be less of a chance that they will develop resentments later on.

Even if you do not require your child to help (for instance an older teen providing care for younger children) or require them to do extra chores or share their room, there will still most certainly be a great number of changes to the dynamics of the family. Also, if you provide care to multiple children in an unrestricted foster home, the dynamics will change as children leave and other children move in. Schedules will also change. Foster children may have family visits, therapy sessions (in or out of the home) multiple doctor appointments, court appearances, extra-curricular activities, etc. As a foster parent, you may or may not be required to provide transportation to these meetings/appointments. Some children may have many engagements and others may have very few. This will most certainly require a biological child's understanding and willingness to be flexible about schedules. For an older child or a teen, prior knowledge that these types of changes can occur will aid them in understanding later on, when and if they do occur. 

Prior to becoming a foster family, the adults who will be providing care will be required to attend training sessions. These classes/seminars will provide valuable information to potential care-givers about foster parenting and the expectations for foster parents. Training classes are not generally provided for the children of potential foster parents. Parents can help their children by gathering the information at training sessions that they feel will be beneficial for their children to know. There may be some adult conversations/anecdotal situations which are discussed during training sessions, that do not need to be shared with biological children. Biological children need to know how being a foster family will effect them and their lives. Parents may use their own discretion as to what information they feel should be shared with their children.     

 Your positive attitude toward foster care will help your children to develop a beneficial view of fostering children. There are multiple benefits to having a foster home. If it is something you are are already considering doing, and are doing so for the right reasons, then you know these benefits. Share these ideas with your children. Let them know why you want to have a foster home. Maybe you had experience with foster care (either yourself or someone you know). If this was a positive experience, you may feel the inclination to carry on those valuable aspects and "give back" by providing care for other children who are in a situation you (or the person you know) may have been in. Maybe your experiences were negative, and you want to do something to offer a positive experience to a child .Be sure that you are considering going into foster care for the right reasons before you attempt to ask your family to support your decision (i.e. you genuinely want to help). Expecting to be a foster parent for financial gain will only offer disappointment. Although a stipend is usually given to provide the necessities for a child's care, foster care is not a way to make money.  Whatever your positive reasons are, by sharing them with your children you can help them to understand that you are not trying to replace them, and give them a basis for viewing the foster family experience as one which can be beneficial to the family as a whole.

5 comments:

  1. I found you..The blog looks great!! My only queston is are you going to mention your books? If so I would definetly include images.
    Also add a gadget where people can leave their email address.
    You are off to a great start!!! I'm a follower..what else is new...

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  2. I couldn't agree more with your information and advice! It will be so helpful for those with bio kids considering foster care. We are a blended family (his/hers and other peoples) and discussed doing foster care with our daugthers well in advance of taking the next step. Now, 4 years later we have welcomed over 30 children in our home, adopted one, and plan to continue for many more years. Both of our daughters are proud to share their story about being foster sisters and have written papers and done cultural fair projects on how this family decision has impacted their lives. I have attached a link to an article that was written about our family and the decision we "all" made to become a foster family. Keep up the great work!
    http://www.seattleschild.com/article/fostering-children-truly-a-family-affair

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    1. Thank you, Erika! Do you have a blog I can follow?

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    2. No, but I have always thought about starting one to share our journey through foster care with others. It can be such a rewarding and enjoyable experience, but unfortunately the stigma and misconceptions turn too many potential families away. My husband and I recently started a nonprofit clothing bank to serve foster children in our community so that is taking up most of my free time these days :)

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    3. That sounds like a worthwhile venture to take up your time!If you'd like, check out my Facebook group which also has links for foster parenting and a some information about a couple of books I've written http://www.facebook.com/#!/BiologicalParentsAsFosterParents

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